This weeks thoughts...

Tomorrow is a big day at our house. Lilia is officially being evicted tomorrow. Both boys came out at 38 weeks, but not our dear sweet Lily. Since the boys were large and nearly 2 weeks early Dr. Huish has scheduled an induction to give me a better chance at delivering a baby rather then Lilia getting to big. I am so grateful that the end is in sight and that we will have our sweet baby girl in our arms soon enough. However at the same time I am very frightened. Well I guess if I am being honest I am more calm today, but the past couple of weeks I have been super scared. I remember with the boys I just wanted them out. I was done being pregnant and I was ready to move on. With Lily I go back and forth, one minute I need her out and the next she is just fine where she is. (I guess that is a good way of telling it just isn't time for her to be here.) I am not so much scared at this time to have her, but of the induction itself. I heard it is more painful and can last way longer. I also fear that she won't come out and I will have a c-section which in my mind is the most horrible thing. This whole week these thoughts have been going through my head and so it has made for a not so pleasant week.

Today I think I have calmed down a bit and relaxed my mind. I have ALMOST accepted the concept of it is what it is. Jacob on the other hand is great he is a on a spiritual high and is in a very good place. He is trying really hard to understand where I am coming from and really help me. He gave me a blessing this evening with his dad and uncle Fred. He was a sweet blessing and it comforted me even more. I have accepted that I can do whatever comes. If it's more painful that is fine women do this all the time. If is is long that is ok too. I have set the whole time aside just for the sweet girl. We are so excited to meet her. If I get a c-section I have a fabulous dr and live where I get excellent medical care. I know this post isn't one of my best and probably shouldn't be remembered, but I just wanted to remember how scattered I was. Hopefully I will read this in the future and think man I was freaking out over nothing.